This post I'm gonna blog it in Chinese and English.

好久没用华语来写部落了，因为我总觉得用英文在我部落里会美一些。
这几天，我真的好累。
一闭上眼就是那些画面、就连呼吸都会觉得痛。
晚上，就更不用说，觉也睡不着。
整个人变得好累、好累。

还以为，就算我什么都没有，我还有朋友、还有他。
但是，原来并不是这样的。
原来我是什么都没有、真的什么都没有。
这一次，我甚至找不到一个可以给我靠靠的人。
我是一个人的、是真的。
真的好怀念以前，身边总是绕着她们。
无论发生什么事也好，她们总是第一时间靠过来。
是我变得太离谱了，还是各有各的生活了？
老婆，说真的，我很爱你们。:)

这一次，我真的很失败。
不是败给谁、而是我败给我自己。
我还是回头了、答应了自己的事却无法做到。
“收放自如，才是高手” 这是我家的高级母猪说的。
真的很对不起，我这一次真的过火了。
我好累、但我却做不了什么。
明知道是错的，却还是蒙着眼睛错下去。
帮帮我，把我拔出来好吗

你说，我们没开始，就不会有结束。
没有结束，就是我们还有得选。
我们还有得选择，朋友或陌生人。
而你和她，有天结束了，就一定是陌生人。
但是，你有没有想过，你真的好自私。
不要问我为什么，我不懂说。
你总对我好不公平。:)



Everything happens for a reason. But have you ever tried thinking why is it happening to you? How I'm going to face it. I don't really blog how I feel at this time, because it's just hard to say in words. But I can tell, it's worst. I don't know I still can stand it for how long.

Every words that you say, keep appearing in my mind. You said, friendship will last long than relationship. Because, friendship will never end, but relationship do. You want me to in your life forever, happy together play around together. So that you no need to feel scared everytime, scared of when will be losing me again. But so sorry, I can't make it. I rather choose to be a stranger instead of best friend. Sorry, this time you will be losing me again, one last time. I believe that you can get over me, in a short time. Because you have her to be your side.

You said, we have no choice. But actually, the one that have no choice, is me. You made every choices without asking me. I re-read the messages that you sent me, it's still hurt. You gave up. But then you still treating me good. Then, how should I treat you back?

I miss that moment that how we used to be. I wish all of these it's just a dream. Then we can go back to last time. But it's ain't a dream, it's a reality. We can't do anything.. :)